I love my job

I love my job. Like, capital L, Love my job.

I am often heard explaining to people how surreal it is to have the opportunities my role brings my way — to bring a voice to the Veteran Family experience at a national level. To work with researchers, academics and professionals who excel in their fields. I even get to co-host a podcast and talk about things like supporting my spouse with his posttraumatic stress injury (PTSI), effective communication and the impacts mental health injuries can have on Veteran Families. And I feel as valued and respected as an expert as the rest of my colleagues. I’m at the peak of a highly rewarding career and have the chance to give back to my community. It is gratifying to know that I can offer expertise based on my experience as the Family member of a Veteran with a PTSI.

But I want to be completely transparent about something. I don’t have all of it figured out. As tremendously proud as I am to be a Veteran Family member, it can be hard. Trauma is hard. And it doesn’t magically resolve itself or disappear over time. For my partner, my children… for me.

I haven’t been the most supportive spouse for the last while. I can be an overbearing mom. And I have struggled with my own mental health this last year. Compassion fatigue is no joke. It caught me off guard and has forced me to make myself a priority, which is not easy. I am so much better at taking care of others than I am at taking care of myself. And where is the line between self-care and selfishness anyway?

So what’s the point of sharing this? Many Family members don’t talk about, acknowledge or even recognize that their loved one’s service can have an impact on them too. After all, we aren’t the ones who wore the uniform or who have an injury as a result of service. For that reason, I think it’s important to be upfront and say that even as someone who works in the field of Veteran and Family mental health — who facilitates discussions on the importance of self-care and communication, who helps create resources for other Family members — I still have things to work on.  So, I want you to know that it’s okay if some days you feel like you don’t have it figured out. I believe that is part of the human experience.

I’m still doing the work to get back on track. Some of it on my own and, for some of it, I need to lean on a few people. And for a “fiercely independent and resilient Veteran Family member,” that’s a pretty hard thing to do. Maybe that’s part of growth. In the meantime, I’ll continue to invest in myself the way I have invested in others.

And if I ever figure it all out, I’ll let you know.

— Laryssa

Laryssa Lamrock
National Strategic Advisor – Families
Atlas Institute for Veterans and Families