Episode 19 – Parenting with a posttraumatic stress injury with Tabitha Beynen

MIND BEYOND THE MISSION EPISODE 19: PARENTING WITH A POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS INJURY WITH TABITHA BEYNEN

Brian

You found our podcast. We are Mind Beyond the Mission. This is a podcast about Veterans and their Families and specifically mental health, what goes on in our lives, what goes on in our heads. We’re not talking to you as doctors, or professionals, we’re talking to you about living with it, and what it’s like. Brian McKenna, 19 years in the Canadian Forces. I’m joined by my partner Laryssa Lamrock.

Laryssa

I’m a Veteran Family member. I’m a proud military brat. My husband served in the military, proud military mom. We’re really excited about this podcast to delve into issues that are important to the Veteran and Family community.

Brian

Join us as we talk about mental health from the perspective of Veterans and their Families.

[music]

Brian

Welcome back to Mind Beyond the Mission. Today, we’re joined by Tabitha Beynen. Tabitha has joined us as the female Veteran lead on our lived experience team. She’d been with us for a couple of months, but active in the Veteran space as well. Former Air Force medic.

Laryssa

She’s the newbie.

Brian

Newbie, new guy. Along with the fact that we got her here, we’re talking about something that all three of us are going to weigh in on to some degree because at one time or the other, we’ve all been single parents. Single parenting with a PTSI is what we’re talking about today. Welcome, Tabitha, to the podcast.

Tabitha

Thanks for having me. I’m excited to dig in.

Brian

You’re joining us from London, Ontario. What’s today looking like? Kids at school, you’re at home, how’s that going?

Tabitha

I got him off to school and then I started my workday. Actually, I start my workday about an hour before. Then I get him off to school and then I go back to work [chuckles] in order to maintain that to balance the morning routine with working hours. I am lucky enough to have a co-parent, so he will be picking up my son from school today, and my son will spend the night with his dad. Monday nights are my night to do the yard work or housework or those kinds of things to try and catch up because we just had a weekend together. Yes, I have to monopolize that time that he’s with his dad to get caught up on some of the stuff that I wasn’t able to do while I had him.

Brian

In some ways, it’s society and the military society. It doesn’t look the way it did a hundred years ago. There are all kinds of different Family scenarios out there. I look at it like, well, we’re all individuals, we’re Veterans here at the table, we’ve got a Veteran Family member at the table. Those are certain realities, but we’re also patients. What would you say is the big difference between how you have to handle being a patient than how a Family that’s got two parents in the house might take that on?

Tabitha

For myself, I have to always take into consideration what that will look like when I am parenting on my own, whether that’s from the type of treatment that I’m doing, the type of meds that I might be taking. Basically, everything has to be taken into consideration of when I have my son, what does that look like? I can’t have meds that keep me asleep because there’s no one else there. Going away for any extended period of time is a really big challenge because I still have my parenting side of things as well. I am blessed to co-parent, but at the same time, that’s a lot to put on a single parent to just go away for any extended period of time.

Everything has to be taken into consideration that you’re doing it on your own, and what does that look like? It’s different for everybody, but for me, it’s making sure that my son is the priority when he is with me. For me, I feel like my treatments can’t affect his upbringing. I really work very hard at making sure that what I’m going through isn’t hopefully affecting him and what he’s going through.

Laryssa

Your role as a parent is always the priority, and then you fit everything else into there. Tabitha, if you’re comfortable sharing, can you tell us a little bit about how your PTSI, how you experience it and some of the symptoms because we’ve had conversations before with you. You are a bit of an advocate for creating awareness around the challenges of being a single parent with PTSI. Some of how those symptoms play out, as you’re suggesting, implicate how you parent, or how you approach treatment. Can you share with us a little bit about how your PTSI manifests?

Tabitha

Yes, my PTSI, my biggest symptom, it’s a blessing and a curse. What I like to say is numbness. When I’m struggling, I really go numb. It allows me the opportunity to fulfill those roles, so avoidance. The things that I can avoid, I avoid. Then the things that I can’t avoid, I just shut down emotionally in order to be able to actually do those things because that’s the biggest thing is like, when my PTSI and depression come into play, well, leaving the house is very challenging.

I can’t not leave the house because, my kid has A, B, and C going on, and I need to be able to get him there, or participate in that. I have to feed him, so I have to go to the grocery store. A lot of those things, I do them because I have to. Child and Family Services probably wouldn’t be very happy if I didn’t feed him, so I should have food in the house for him. A lot of the times when my symptoms are elevated, I really struggle with that aspect of it. That like numbness comes into play. Then obviously, the emotional disconnect then starts to be a huge factor.

Brian

When you hear, say, a medical practitioner says to you, “Getting healthier is your number one priority,” is it?

Tabitha

No.

Brian

No, of course it’s not, right?

Tabitha

It’s my son. [chuckles]

Brian

It’s not, and it’s not for me, and it really isn’t for anybody that I know. In fact, when I hear that, I already start to disengage from that doctor a little bit, especially if they’re a parent because there’s no way that that’s how they run their Family as well. That’s one of those things I think that was tough for me to hear when there were two parents in our Family, when everything was going well. Then when it’s just me like, “Are you serious? Are we having a real conversation here? I’m the priority? That’s not how six-year-olds work.”

I always found that to be really disingenuous. Let me try this on you here. You need to go on program X, and it’s 10 days, and it’s at Edmonton. What do you have to do now to make that happen?

Tabitha

Basically, I have to arrange all of my time with my son that someone else can pick up those pieces. Like I said, I do have a co-parent, and luckily, he can step in now, but that wasn’t always the case, and my son is older.

It’s like that juggling act of, “I’m blessed to live in your Family,” but ultimately, the amount of work that it takes to go away, a lot of times when you come back, if you can make all of that work, which most single parents that I know can’t make that work because you have to find somebody to watch your child, your home, and all of those things, by the time you get there, you’re so exhausted from all of the administrative work that you had to put in to get there that you don’t necessarily even get the full extent of what the program is.

Then when you come home, you’re spending the whole time while you’re at the program wondering what it’s going to be like when you get home because your kid is now had this time away from you and they don’t know how to behave, or something big happened while you were gone. There’s so many factors that going away as a single parent feels almost impossible.

Laryssa

I’m just wondering how you balance all of that because you can’t put your wellness aside. Have you found a sweet spot, Tabitha? You do work towards your recovery. I’ve known you for quite a long time, and you are a phenomenally dedicated mom, and I always love it. I wish people could see your face because whenever you talk about your son, your whole face lights up.

Brian

We’ll get there. We’re going to go there. We’ll put her on the spot.

Laryssa

How do you balance your wellness with that? I understand, we’re saying you can’t make yourself a priority, but there still must be some attention that you need to give yourself in your wellness.

Tabitha

I think I still really struggle to find that balance, to be honest. It’s something that I’m constantly working on because the reality is I do have to prioritize myself as well, and so things like going to therapy during the day while he’s at school, I try to prioritize my therapy so that I’m at least able to cope with day-to-day things so that if something big happens in life, I still have that resource in front of me.

Then I also have to work really hard at using the tools that I have learned over these last several years, breathing, and meditating and grounding. Sometimes that means going for a walk on lunch hour, or those kinds of things to try and at least bring a little bit of semblance of, “Okay, this is self-care,” and trying to find that time to bring that self-care in when he’s not with me.

Brian

You know one thing that I’m thinking about as she’s speaking here is there’s a message in here for supervisors and employers too. Let’s be fair, it’s hard to get programming in Canada. It’s not like there’s a ton of it out there. When you’ve got a person like Tabitha working for you, with you, and they say, “I need to go on X program,” do how many ducks in a row that person’s had to do? How many balls are being juggled at once for that person to come forward and say, “I need this time off?” I just wish more people thought about it that way. It’s like, when you’ve got a person that plans their life out, you’ve got a studious person working for you, and they say, “I need this time off, and I’ve made the arrangements. My ex is on board, my parents are there, the school knows,” that’s a lot of moving pieces. That’s got to be considered. Now, in your case, you’re lucky, because your immediate supervisor is like out of this world fantastic, but not everybody has that. What? It’s true, he’s fantastic.

In all seriousness, this is a big problem, and I think people need to realize what is the nature of the ask when a single parent who’s got a mental health issue comes to you and says, “Guys, I need X.”

Laryssa

Even as you’re saying that, I’m wondering, not to go too far down this way, but if someone required time off for surgery, would that support come as easily or easier than if someone requires the time off to address mental health needs? I just wanted to put that out there, not that we need to pursue it too much, but yes, that’s a great point, and I think we need to be able to support folks in that way.

Brian

You mentioned earlier about medications, and it’s an interesting thing. Not only do you have to be on point, but when you’re the only parent of the day, kids with you, I know I’ve been put on stuff where not only could I sleep unbelievably heavily when I was on it, I couldn’t drive, shouldn’t drive, was even told, “Don’t operate X, Y, and Z machinery.” None of those things align with being a parent. Is that something that you actually went through? Did you ever have to say no to a certain pill because that doesn’t work?

Tabitha

It’s definitely a conversation I’ve had to have. I was really lucky that when I was going through the whole med process, the psychiatrist that I was working with was super supportive, was a new mom, so she at least somewhat could understand, and so she was really willing to work with me and maneuver that and say, “Well, can you just try it when he’s not there,” or, “Can you try it when you have this space?”

A lot of those meds don’t work unless you take them regularly, and you have to take them every night. I know my son sleeps like the dead, so even if that was an option, if the house was burning down, neither one of us then would wake up idea because he sleeps through everything, and he’s only nine, so I can’t expect him to wake me up.

Brian

That gets worse as these teenage boys are brutal for that.

Tabitha

It’s just a matter of figuring out what works best and what works within my limitations.

Laryssa

You talked a little bit about numbing, emotional numbing. You said, “It’s a blessing and a curse.” How does that impact you as a parent?

Tabitha

It’s sad sometimes, I guess would be the best way to say that because when you numb, you are emotionally disconnecting. You don’t always feel those same emotions that you would feel when you’re not in that state. Celebrating big wins is even challenging. Things that should make you super happy, you struggle to feel present and in those things, so it makes parenting feel very disconnected, and that’s really hard because you want to connect with your children. I love being connected to my son, and it’s really hard when I feel myself going that way to fight that urge to just pick up what’s comfortable and what’s known.

Brian

That’s actually where I wanted to pick up, is like this numbness you’re talking about because it’s the two of you. That’s the entity that you’re dealing with in your Family. Does numbness happen, or do you put yourself in that state?

Tabitha

I think at this point it’s a learned behavior. Long before I knew I had a diagnosis, this was my go-to, my coping. I can go back, and I can tell you the exact moment when numbing became my coping skill, and when it became, I like to say, “When I hit my robot years,” because there was many of those years long before even my son was born. I spent probably 10 years in what I would say would be a numbed state. Originally, it served its purpose very, very well, but then over the years I couldn’t get out of it because that was just what made everything easier.

I also didn’t know I had a diagnosis, and so that also changed things. It is such a learned behavior now, and it was so effective back then. My military career really helped it, and so now it just seems to go back into that state whenever things start to get harder.

Laryssa

I want to explore that just a little bit with you because you call it “the robot years,” and I’m picturing a robot like functions. That’s what a robot does, a robot functions. You’ve talked about it as a coping skill. What I heard you say was as a parent, sometimes you just have to do things. You again have to perform, go through the motions, and things like that.

You and I’ve had previous conversations about how because of that, because you looked like you were functioning so well, that you presented differently than a lot of people with PTSI and that, were there people in your life that were surprised when you even, disclosed that you had a mental health injury because you were the robot for so long?

Tabitha

I would say probably everybody. No one saw it coming. I didn’t even see it coming to be honest. I thought I had some depression, which would make sense with transition and all of those kinds of things like life experiences. I didn’t even see it coming. I didn’t believe it for the longest time. To be honest, it took me a long time to get on board with my diagnosis because it just didn’t seem to fit what I understood it to be. Yes, everybody in my life was surprised that this was the thing.

Brian

Don’t forget that this is a military skill. This didn’t just happen to her. We taught it into her. Like you approach your casualty, and if you just focus on their cough, you’re going to miss the infection. You look at the kid with the limp, you’re going to miss the guy behind him that gave him the limp. We actually teach this, and it’s to avoid tunnel vision, and to try to see the big situation that’s actually unfolding around you, but it does have repercussions. Then you go home, and a lot of times people will look at us like you’re minimalizing this thing in front of you. Like “No, I’m aware of it, but I’m trying to see what’s behind it.”

All that stuff comes back in. When I talk about single parenting on my own, what I’m also talking about is, what are my kids go through when they’re with this brain in an apartment, in a house, and it’s just us? Because when there’s two parents, and one’s having an off day, well, guess what kids know how to do, they go ask the other one. “Can I go play with the neighbor?” “No.” Guess what, then they go ask mom, but it’s a more grown-up version from that. He’s nine.

As he grows through those teenage years, he starts to learn more, experience more, and that’s one of the things I went through as a parent is I started to feel really bad because the days I knew I was reacting, I knew my kids didn’t have another option because dad’s got you for the next seven days. I actually started feeling guilty about my own symptoms coming out in their presence, if that makes any sense.

Laryssa

It does. What I’m relating to in my experiences is you open with the three of us have each had our go.

Brian

Yes, we’re all weird.

Laryssa

That goes without saying, but we’ve all had our kick at the cat at single parenting. For myself being the Family member, so you’re talking about the guilt you’re experiencing, and what if my symptoms flare up when my kids are here? I remember as a single parent and shared custody and co-parenting, I guess, similar to you, Tabitha, was when I would send my kids to their dads, and I’m not there to see if and when he’s symptomatic or triggered, I’m not there to step in, to take over, and so the other side of that experience too is, yes, just wondering how that plays out.

Brian

It’s an interesting thing too because I’ll gladly admit to everyone that when my– I’m talking about the years that are really hard with parenting, those early teen years, I was really excited to get my kids back. I’ll tell anyone that, but I didn’t tell too many people that I was actually excited for them to leave because I needed a break because having the PTSD mind, and being the lifeline for two people, I actually don’t know how I did it. I did it because we’re all alive, but I don’t know how we got through those times.

Now, they’re older, they’re self-sufficient, they can make a meal, and turn the stove off, but that was a tricky thing, was like, I remember many, many times like, “Okay, I can breathe for a couple of days,” and I felt better for them, they get to go into a house that doesn’t have this. It’s real easy to say, “I’m glad to have them back,” and I was, not so proud of saying like, “I needed the break.”

Laryssa

Tabitha, are you able to carve out that space for yourself sometimes? I believe your son is with you primary amount of time. I hear you saying that you do have a co-parent in the picture. I was smirking a little bit when you were saying, “Yes, Monday nights, I get a break, so I can do the yard work, and do the catch up on laundry,” and I’m thinking-

Brian

Nice break.

Laryssa

— nice break. Exactly. Do you intentionally ever carve out that space for yourself to have that bit of a refresher and focus on you?

Tabitha

I think I’m still struggling to do that. It doesn’t come naturally. I will be honest, I put off doing things when I have my son because I want to be 100% with him, make that experience fun because he goes to his dad’s almost 50% of the time now. I am blessed that almost 50% of the time he is with his other parent in the sense that that does give me a lot more space and freedom, but when he’s with me, I’m so involved in like him and I, that my house becomes not necessarily as clean as it should be. I put off going to the grocery store, run, just get a couple things here and there, I don’t do the yard work, those kinds of things, I will leave them until he’s gone.

I’m still really struggling to find that space where when he’s away, I also do things for myself because I know how important it is to actually take that time to carve out that space for myself. I’m still really struggling to find that balance.

Brian

If there’s a clinician that knows they’re about to get the next Tabitha as their patient, they’ve never met you yet, what kind of things do you think they need to consider that they might not otherwise consider if it was somebody else?

Tabitha

The biggest thing they need to consider, and it’s actually the first thing I’ll told my therapist when I first met them was call me on my bullshit because I’m going to tell you everything’s great, and I’m going to tell you it’s all wonderful, but it’s probably not great, and it’s probably not wonderful, but that’s how the numbness plays out, that’s how I’m getting through this stage kind of idea. Really look for the cues, and also challenge the language that they’re using. Also give them the space to learn to trust you because trust is a hard piece within especially the Veteran community.

You really need to trust your therapist in order to have a really positive relationship and rapport, but you also need to consider that there are going to be times where maybe they just need to do maintenance care, where you’re just stabilizing. You’re not getting into the nitty gritty because maybe life is happening so much outside of it that also needs to be taken into consideration because when you poke the bear, can’t always put it back in the box when you walk out of that door, and sometimes you need to be able to have a space where you can put it back in the box and go and do what you need to do as a single parent.

Especially the ones that are parenting basically full time, they need to have a space where they can deal with day-to-day, but they need to be able to put it back somewhere so that they can go home and do most of that work because it falls on them and they don’t have the space to spend a day recovering after treatment. A lot of people are like, “Yes, I take the rest of the day for myself or things like that after treatment,” but you don’t have that capability when you’re a single parent.

Brian

When you look back on it, is there anything that you can look back on and go, “As I was going through that, I did a really good job with X, and I was going through that, if I got a chance, I’d completely do a redo or a do over on this one over here?” I’ll plant one with you. I learned very recently that I didn’t tell my kids updates on how I was doing. I gave them age-appropriate stories when they were four and six, and then when they were six and eight, and then I stopped.

Something came up very recently, and now at 15 and 17, while they got YouTube in their pockets, a lot of the things we got up to in other countries, you can look it up right now. I didn’t tell them more age-appropriate, but also, more advanced realities as to what was going on, and so they went and found it themselves. I’d do that again. I would have given them like a 10 and 12 briefing somewhere in the middle of that.

Tabitha

I’m going to go with what I did right. I feel a pretty proud of this. When I started to feel my emotions again, which took a lot of therapy and multiple years, the anger, the frustration, whatever, those maybe more negative emotions, they were what surfaced first, which was what my biggest fear was. That’s why numbness becomes an option because you’re afraid of your emotions. Sometimes it keeps you alive, but that extreme frustration was one of the very first emotions that I felt, and I had to give myself timeouts.

That’s what I did right was when my son and I were in the thick of things, and I was struggling to cope, and I was getting frustrated with the situation, I would go and remove myself, make sure he was safe, and then I would remove myself, and give myself that time I needed to calm down, to come back and actually address the issue. If anything, timeouts is the biggest thing that I would say allowed me the space to feel emotions again as well because they were a safe way to be frustrated.

Laryssa

I really appreciate when you share that because you’re not issuing a timeout to your son, you’re issuing a timeout to yourself, but I admire that approach because it takes humility, you’re doing emotional regulation, you’re being accountable for what you’re experiencing, but you’re also modeling something for your son. It sounds like in some ways he’s supportive to you, he offers support to you. I know that you have some really honest conversations with him about your diagnosis and about I think life in general.

In addition to that timeout strategy, do you have any other strategies that you use, or that you would put out there for folks to try on and see if it works for them?

Tabitha

In terms of strategies, one is just communication. I do communicate with my son a lot more.

Brian

What is an age-appropriate conversation that you go through for, “Mom’s having a really bad day right now?” How do you handle that?

Tabitha

He doesn’t necessarily need to know why I’m having a bad day, he needs to know that I’m having a bad day, and that it’s not because of him. That’s the biggest thing is I’m always giving him the space to say, “This isn’t because of you, and you didn’t do anything. I’m having a bad day.”

Sometimes I don’t know why I’m having a bad day and I will tell him that. “I’m not sure why today is a bad day, but today is a bad day,” or if something happened that I was triggered about, I’m not necessarily going to tell him that specific thing, but I’m going to say, “Something happened last night, and it has nothing to do with you, and I’m having a bad day. I need to work really hard at communicating with you, and I need you to work hard today at communicating with me because we can get through this day.”

That’s the biggest piece, is we really have to communicate. He calls me out on it now. Now he’ll know, he’s like, “Mommy, you look like you’re mad. Are you mad?” I’m like, “No, actually I’m not mad, but thank you for pointing out the fact that now I have to check in with myself.” A lot of times I am feeling something that I don’t even realize that he’s reading now because we’ve communicated about it so much.

Laryssa

Love those conversations. I love that you reiterate to him that something happened, and it’s not your fault. Love that you’re communicating that, “It’s not yours to fix, I need to go have a timeout, I need to do a check, I need to do those things.” That’s such a gift, Tabitha. Brian, you’d asked, what do you wish you could do differently? I think that’s something– I tried to do it, but I would have put more effort into communicating that with my kids that what’s happening is not their fault. It’s not theirs to fix. It’s their job just to be a kid. I just really love that you’re doing that, and being honest at an age-appropriate level.

I’ve worked with Families in the past who want to protect their kids from what was happening. Maybe similar to you, Brian, maybe some of that you didn’t give the 10 and 12 age thing because those are harder conversations than the four and six, and maybe you wanted to protect your kids from knowing what was happening, or what had happened to you, or what you experienced, but what I’ve observed over time is that kids are frigging smart, and if you don’t help them understand what is going on, they’re going to make something up. They’re going to put it into place. They’re going to research it on its own and maybe not have the full context.

I’m going to be blunt here. I’ve said before that if you don’t explain to your children maybe that you have PTSI, or depression, or whatever, and don’t help them understand that, they’re going to observe that someday because you’re being an asshole, and they’re just going to assume, if you don’t tell them otherwise, that you’re just an asshole, and that there’s not something else behind that. I really love those honest conversations that you have with him, Tabitha.

Brian

One thing that came up in our house that I actually haven’t thought about until Tabitha was just speaking there is normal people, and by that, I mean civilians, you can tell by what they’re wearing what kind of thing they’re going to. One of my kids asked me once, they couldn’t tell whether I was going to a party or a funeral. It’s the same uniform. Dress shoes, DUs, medals, that’s a funeral, that’s a wedding, that’s a change of command parade. It could be dad’s having a great day, dad’s having a bad day. Now they know the difference, but that difference didn’t get communicated to them at age 17, like yesterday, they figured it out. They figured it out on their own by sniffing it out over time.

That’s maybe something where I could have used a little bit of Tabitha blunt language there. It’s like, “Kids, dad’s going to a funeral right now.” Maybe I should have done more of that. I think that’s an aspect of it. I know for me, parenting with a PTSI is just, it was exceptionally difficult because it came in waves. I know you had those days off. I would always take the first 5, 10 minutes off, but then the reality is the house has fallen apart and like, “What do you do on time off?” “Clean toilets, get ready for next week, start meal prep,” but I can have a bad day while doing those, but I put a lot of pressure on myself, which caused me to have more rough times-

Laryssa

I see.

Brian

— when I had them. Yes, there’s a lot I’d do different.

Laryssa

Tabitha, how’s this for the hot seat question… actually, first, going back to your hot seat question, tell us a little bit about your son.

Tabitha

My son is nine, and he’s a really bright kid. Loves hockey. He’s obsessed with hockey, to be honest. He’s so creative and so smart that there’s times where he’s teaching me so much now. It’s very cool to watch him grow and experience the world in a different way. Then, also, teach me about science and technology, and engineering, and math, and all of those things that he’s really interested in and I don’t know enough about. [laughs]

Brian

If you were to say to him, “Hey, we got two hours. We can do whatever you want.” What would he ask you for? What’d you guys get up to?

Tabitha

If he could do whatever he’d want, he’d probably play video games, and watch YouTube. [chuckles] Together, we play a lot of mini sticks actually.

Brian

He’s a 45-year-old male then is what you’re saying?

Tabitha

Yes. He’s a typical kid, but yes, we play a lot of mini sticks. We went swimming on the weekend. We get outside and play catch. He loves sports, so that’s what we do. A lot of it’s just playing random sports, and talking. That’s when we have quality time. A lot of times, it’s like we’re throwing a ball, and we’re having a conversation, but what’s going on with life like.

Brian

You’ve mentioned before, as we’ve talked at work, that single parenting with PTSI is something you’d like to do some more work on. What does that look like to you? What would you like to get up to in terms of doing something to help this?

Tabitha

We are in the process of creating a resource, a PTSI resource for Families. That’s both the person with the PTSI, and also, the co-parents. There’s going to be age-appropriate language in there, which is the biggest thing that I think we really struggle with is how do we have these conversations, and that’s going to be part of that resource. I’m really excited for that because I think that people need a better understanding.

It’s going to be a pretty extensive resource, which is amazing because it’ll have a lot of really good information. I think education is a big piece on what to expect from a single parent that maybe you can expect from someone that has a second adult in the house to help them carry that load.

Laryssa

As we’re wrapping up, I was saying the other hot seat question, as we’re leaving, what words of advice or wisdom or encouragement would you give to other single parents with PTSI?

Tabitha

First off, I want to say you’re doing an amazing job. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like that a large majority of the time, but you are doing an amazing job, and your kids will see that. The second part is, reach out to your resources and try to at least maybe carve out an hour every two weeks for therapy or something along those lines so that you are at least getting the support that you need for your mental health because I know it’s hard to prioritize yourself in these moments, but if you can find a little bit of time to carve out that safe space for you to have those tough conversations that are, and address the stuff that is going on, it will make things easier in the long run.

Also, as they get older, it does get easier. If you are lucky enough to have a co-parent that you can learn to have a balance with and learn to co-parent, and that doesn’t mean you have to love each other, it just means you work together and put your kids first, if you’re lucky enough to have that, that is a huge blessing. Biggest thing is as they get older, it will get easier. I’m sure the teenage years will have their own challenges once they get there, but ultimately, you’re doing a great job, and just keep on putting in the work that you need to put in to balance those symptoms that you are having and find that relief where you can.

Laryssa

Let’s have Tabitha back in about seven years to check in on how the teenage years are going.

Brian

Yes, she’ll need some vacation time.

[laughter]

Laryssa

Yes. Remember that plan? Your supervisors?

Tabitha

I’m sure I’ll need lots of it. [laughter]

Brian

That was a episode with Tabitha Beynen. She is a lived experience lead for female Veterans on our team at the Atlas Institute. Thank her for joining us. This has been another episode of Mind Beyond the Mission.

Laryssa

Thanks.

Brian

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Mind Beyond the Mission.

Laryssa

If this conversation resonated with you or helped you in any way, I encourage you to subscribe to Mind Beyond the Mission, wherever you listen to your podcasts, so you’ll be the first to know when our next episode comes out.

Brian

If someone who might relate to what we’ve shared, or could find it helpful, please feel free to send it their way. We’re all on the same team.

Laryssa

Plus, we’d love to hear what other topics you’d be interested in us exploring in future episodes. Brian and I have a lot of ideas and subjects we plan to dive into, but you, the listener, have probably experienced or thought of topics that haven’t crossed our minds yet.

Brian

Please reach out if this is the case. We’re on social media @atlasveteransca on most platforms. Please feel free to tweet at us, send us a message, or leave a review on this episode, and let us know what else you’d like to hear us talk about.

Laryssa

Brian, it’s always a pleasure having these important conversations with you. Looking forward to next time.

Brian

You bet, Laryssa. Take it easy.