Children and youth
A posttraumatic stress injury (PTSI) can impact every member of your Family or close community, including children and youth. Many of the coping strategies for Families and friends can help children and youth, but it is important to be aware of reactions and strategies that are specific to them. Here you’ll find information and resources for children with a Family member experiencing PTSI, as well as coping tips for children dealing with secondary traumatic stress.
Definitions
Operational stress injury (OSI) is a term that refers to a prolonged mental health condition resulting from operational stressors (e.g. traumatic events, combat or peacekeeping duties, loss, grief, high-stress situations or operational fatigue ) experienced while serving in the military or Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP). It is not a diagnosis.
Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a specific type of mental health condition that can happen after someone experiences, sees or hears about a traumatic event. PTSD is diagnosed by a licensed medical professional based on specific signs, symptoms and behaviours.
Posttraumatic stress injury (PTSI) is a broad term that refers to any kind of mental health challenge or condition that happens after someone experiences, sees or hears about a traumatic event. You don’t need a diagnosis to have a PTSI.
It’s important to note that though these terms are often used interchangeably, they do cover separate injuries. Not all OSIs are PTSD, and not all PTSD diagnoses are related to OSIs. For the remainder of this resource, we will use the term PTSI.
Reactions
Children and youth are sensitive to their surroundings and especially to their Family’s dynamics. Each child will react differently when a parent experiences a PTSI. Some of the most common reactions your child may have are:
- Increased feelings of anxiety and worry
- Feeling emotionally detached from their loved ones
- Feeling responsible for their Family member’s anger
- Becoming hypervigilant to avoid triggering their Family member’s PTSI symptoms
- Taking on the role of a parent or caregiver
- Acting much younger than their age
- Isolating themselves from their friends and Family
- Overachieving in order to please loved ones
- Behaving poorly at school or in social settings
- Showing psychosomatic symptoms such as stomach aches, headaches and fatigue
Talking about a PTSI
The best thing you can do is talk to your child. Let them know that everything is going to be okay. Make sure they know that:
- It is not their fault
- It is not their problem to fix
- Their job is to be a child
- They are loved
- The adults in their lives are working towards solutions
Teach them about your Family member’s diagnosis by explaining some of the symptoms of a PTSI. Use examples they may have already observed: “Because of Mom’s injury, she is very uncomfortable in crowded places and she may seem impatient and in a hurry to leave.”
Veteran parents and Families may have questions about how to talk about a PTSI with their children: Should we talk about the injury and if so, when? What should we say? How do we make sure the conversation is age-appropriate? What can I do as a parent to help my child understand that my injury is not their fault or responsibility?
To help answer these questions, Atlas has co-designed two practical guidance documents with an advisory committee of Veterans and Families.
Additional helpful resources for these conversations:
- Why Is Daddy Like He Is?: A story to help explain PTSD to children.
- Can I catch it like a cold?: A story and informational resource to help parents and caregivers explain depression to children.
- MindKit: MindKit is a mental health hub for military children to learn about mental health and posttraumatic stress injuries (PTSIs). It was co-created by the Atlas Institute for Veterans and Families and young Family members of Canadian Veterans living with a PTSI.
Be careful about which details you share about the event that caused the trauma. It is more important to talk about what is happening in the present.
Secondary traumatic stress
Causes
In some situations, your child might develop secondary traumatic stress. It is important to note that all family members and friends can experience this form of traumatic stress. Each child is unique, but these are examples of situations that could lead to the development of secondary stress:
- Their imagination leads them to create their own story or narrative about how their family member came to experience PTSD.
- They hear details about traumatic event(s) from their family member.
- They copy their family member’s behaviours in an effort to connect with them.
- They re-enact their family member’s trauma when playing.
Symptoms
In addition to a child or youth’s reactions towards a family member experiencing PTSD (listed above), be on the lookout for behavioural cues that indicate your child may need additional support, such as:
- Lack of participation in social or school activities
- Difficulties in paying attention
- Responding to situations with emotions that are disproportionate to the circumstances
- Expressing feelings of sadness or hopelessness
- Preoccupation with violence, death, or other “dark” ideas
- Making major changes to who they hang out with or their activities
- Experiencing negative changes to sleeping and eating habits
- Starting or increasing their use of drugs, alcohol or other substances
Coping strategies
Incorporating the following strategies into your and your child’s day-to-day may help alleviate some of the challenges they have while dealing with a Family member who is experiencing a PTSI.
- Adopt special words or cues for children and youth to talk about their mental health. For example, having a bad day can be expressed as “I’m red today” or “I’m having a dragon day.”
- Find ways for children and youth to maintain a connection with their Family member experiencing a PTSI. While going to a sporting event may be too challenging right now, you can have a “popcorn and movie night” at home or play a board game together.
- Plan occasional activities for your child to do apart from your affected Family member. This allows them to have some time to themselves every now and then without the worry of how their Family member will react.
- Establish and maintain a household routine that is consistent and predictable. This will create a sense of stability for everyone in the home, including yourself.
It can be challenging for children and youth to connect with a Family member who is experiencing a PTSI. For example, receiving inpatient treatment might mean that their Family member is away or not around as much. Their symptoms and behaviours might also make them absent in other ways (that is, physically present but not mentally or emotionally available).
A connection box can be a good way to revisit special times together when a parent is away from home or mentally/emotionally unavailable. Your child can bring out their connection box whenever they miss their Family member or want to feel more connected to them.
Creating a connection box is a shared activity between your child or youth and their affected Family member.
- Step 1: Find a box.
- Step 2: Choose items to put in the box together, such as photographs, a favourite item belonging to their Family member or a book they always read together.
- Step 3: Decorate the box together.
Creating the box together can go a long way in making it more meaningful for your child or youth. It is important to be mindful of the energy needed to do this activity and to think through a plan in case it becomes overwhelming.
It is important for your child to understand that all of their emotions — anger, disappointment, fear — are valid and normal. Here are some tips to help you support your child with their emotions:
- Be patient, understanding and supportive. Being there for the children and youth in your life, actively listening to their thoughts and concerns, and reassuring them can help them navigate their experiences and feelings.
- Be fair but firm. Parenting or supporting children and youth can be tough at the best of times. It is important to recognize that the children and youth in your life may be dealing with the situation and their stress as best they can, even if they are acting out from time to time. Show them they are loved and supported, while also ensuring that you maintain clear and consistent boundaries about what is acceptable behaviour and what is unacceptable.
- Don’t blame or villainize the Family member experiencing a PTSI.
Getting support
To find youth-specific resources, check out our evidence-informed mental health education hub, MindKit.ca. This website has been created for and with youth from Veteran Families and can be used to learn about topics including mental health and the brain, what it’s like to live with a PTSI in the Family and different ways to handle challenges.
Don’t be afraid to see professional help — it can be a positive step forward. If you notice any of the listed behavioural cues, your child may need additional support and you may want to consider reaching out to a professional. If your child shares thoughts of suicide or exhibits signs of suicide or self-harm, reach out to immediate supports such as 9-8-8, your Family doctor or another service provider.
If your child is showing signs of emotional distress, contact:
- Kids Help Phone by calling 1-800-668-6868 or texting 686868
- CAFKIDS crisis texting service by texting CAFKIDS to 686868
- Family Information Line by calling 1-800-866-4546 or emailing FIL@CAFconnection.ca
- Veterans Affairs Canada Assistance Service by calling 1-800-268-7708
Find more resources
Browse the knowledge hub for more evidence-based information, fact sheets, reports and tips.
