From dreams to reality: Reflections from one of the first women in the Royal Canadian Mounted Police

I think about it a lot. Although it wasn’t the full 25-year career I had hoped it would be when I joined the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP), I’m amazed at how much my time in the RCMP shaped me and my life. How much has changed, and yet, how much came full circle.

I had always wanted to be a member of the RCMP. Even at a time when women weren’t allowed. Then, just ahead of International Women’s Year, the Force became open to women. I applied and when I was accepted into the first troop — it was huge for me! Unfortunately, a health issue meant I had to wait for the second troop, but that also meant I was able to complete depot training alongside my brother Greg — the silver lining.

Despite my being a woman and this being new to the RCMP, they talked about us being a Family and I felt it during the six months of training at depot. Having my brother there was a sense of Family within a Family. When I left for my first posting in Virden, MB, things were great. Until they weren’t. I have to acknowledge there was a sense of adjustment for those in leadership and for my on-the-ground training. There was everything along the continuum, from being overprotective of me to being incredibly hard on me, so I had to prove myself. And somewhere between the two extremes, I found my feet in the career I had always dreamed of.

But then, things happened. Near the end of my third year at Virden Detachment. Dennis Onofrey was shot and killed. He had actually been working my shift when this happened. I had been away on a training course and he was rescheduled, with him taking over my regular shift as a result. As there were so few female Mounties at the time, I was the only female member available to escort his killer Dorothy Mallette to court. This had a huge impact on my mental health. Except nobody talked about mental health in those days.

There were things like sexual harassment. Resentment, with men thinking my being on the Force took a spot away from a man and making sure I was aware of their thoughts. It culminated within a few short years unfortunately to a point where I had no choice but to leave when my mother became seriously ill. I asked for a transfer from Thompson, MB to be closer to her and was denied the transfer. At that point, I didn’t feel like the RCMP was the Family I had been sold on in depot. Rather, I felt like an outsider. And I knew my Family at home needed me. Like so many other women at the time I resigned, knowing there were no other options.

What followed was a lot of guilt on my part for leaving, or “quitting” as I saw it. I felt I had walked away from one community, despite knowing logically I had to make the choice to be there for my Family. I suffered from depression for many years and was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I did join the class action lawsuit against the RCMP where I signed a non-disclosure agreement (NDA). Going through this process did take me back into a very dark place, and while it was never about the nominal compensation that was awarded, it was good to finally get the experiences out there — to have it off my chest and out of my brain. However, as a result of the NDA I am limited in what I am able to publicly share.

There is healing though that has happened. My brother Greg encouraged me to join the RCMP Veterans Association. At first, I was reluctant and felt unworthy, especially given my limited time in service. However, once joining, what I found was overwhelming support from Veterans like myself who not only have validated my time in service and my experiences, but also who have made me remember what it was like to have that original experience of Family that I felt when I first joined depot with all of that freshness and the hopes and dreams I had brought with me. I learned that there are many former women RCMP members just like me, who gave up on their dreams because the system wasn’t prepared for us. I do believe that our experiences set a path forward for change that has improved the Force in ways that make it much better now for women who have joined the RCMP. That has given my experience a different kind of meaning — and a purpose.

I also have leaned on my spiritual faith and my community.

Together, all of these things have supported my mental health and my recovery. I have learned that I am not an island. And that our experiences, no matter how difficult, can have meaning purpose for not only us, but for many. And for that, I am grateful.

— Constable (Ret’d) Debbie McLean